Ikea on a Saturday - either you can find the zen in it or you can't. While having to stop mid stride as the family in front of us decided to stop dead in the middle of the moving lane - I chose to think about what to make for dinner tonight instead of the equally viable option of bitch slapping the idiot screaming "HELLO...DID YOU REALIZE YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THE WORLD?!"

"That Australian rack of lamb looked killer the other night at Dave's (our local IGA) I wonder if they still have them."

On the way home I flipped through my epicurious iPhone app, hands down my most favorite application. looking for ways to treat the lamb. panko, mustard encrusted or a simple herb rub etc etc.
simple herb rub. with roasted tomatoes & isreali couscous & mozzarella

grocery list
rack of lamb 4-8 depending on the size
thyme, rosemary, sage
garlic, shallots/onion
chicken stock (1 cup to 1 oz of couscous)
Israeli couscous
mozzarella
tomatoes (heirloom always best)

set oven to 400

make The Rub
dice 2 cloves of garlic sprinkle with bit of salt & pepper and mash with the edge of your knife to make a past
mix in 1 parts rosemary to 2 parts thyme
combine and bind with 1 tbsp of olive oil

prepare a baking dish with a bit of oil
place 2-3 tomatoes cut in half cut side up
sprinkle 1/3 of rub on the toms

put them in the oven

start heating up a pan

pat dry then salt & pepper the Rack

sear the rack on all sides til a nice crust forms

set rack in oven proof pan
rub on the remaining rub

alongside the toms

forget about them for about 20min

in the pan that you seared the rack in

sautee a shallot or onion
picking up all the sucs until translucent

add the couscous in and get a nice little brown to them -
then add chicken stock bring to a simmer

add a little bit of sage, salt & pepper
and forget about it until all the liquid is absorbed -
i had the thought to treat it as a risotto but that was of course AFTER I added the liquid

The numbers on the couscous vary widely
so read your nutrition info

for the above meal I shot for 35G

& I was 90 3 hrs later so that worked for me

This weekend I started re-introducing some variables to see how it goes.

I spent the first 2 weeks of the new year trying to get off the roller-coaster and normalize. So I stopped having wine, stopped my bits of dark chocolate and seriously limited the fat, carbs and as a result calories. NOTE: I did not do a lick of exercise beyond tearing down some walls & crawling around in my attic installing insulation & every other day walks on the beach with the pups. My daily average of carbs was definitely under the recommended 138. I was around 100 - sometimes less, sometimes more but roughly 100G. Fat around 38 - these were good fats like walnuts, olive oil, avos etc. I'm not too worried about those fats. I was around 1000 calories a day. I did drop a few lbs, I can feel it, tho I didn't step on a scale before the new year. A definite, pleasant side effect to being super diligent.

A few weeks before the new year I was manually/mentally shifting my Insulin to Carb ratio to 1G less - for example I am 1Unit of insulin to 11G of Carbohydrates in the morning. I would manually override the pump to 1:10 - I do this manual override as a test for a while to see if I need to do it more officially in the pump settings. The first week of the new year and eating super clean I left it at the 1:11 and all was well and I think I need to adjust my morning basal rates. I have been waking up pretty low 60-75 the last few mornings.

This weekend I reintroduced some simple pleasures - chocolate :D!!! Friday night I had my fake out big pasta dinner - before being diabetic I never really dug into a big bowl of pasta - however, since my DX all I want is a monster bowl of WHITE fettuccine carbonara or pesto mmmmm - so I have my little fake out with (to be sung in a hong kong fuey voice) Tofu Shiri-TAKI - 3G of CARBS FOR THE ENTIRE PACKAGE!!!

Add some chicken sausage, pesto and little cherry tomatoes and I allow myself to be fooled! Anyway so that whole meal is ridiculously low in anything substantial so I had a double treat. I bought Adam some LeBrea take n' bake tuscan loaf so I had a small portion AND some dark chocolate sugar free-ish jello pudding. 60 Calories, 16 carbs - love. A few hours later I dropped through the floor and had a 50 boo. I guess the bread wasn't so high after all. there wasn't a whole lot of fat in the meal so I don't think it could have held on to the carbs I had. But I did wake up higher than I like, Saturday morning -140. I wonder if I dropped in my sleep & my liver kicked in... (continuous glucose monitor would be super swell right about now). VARIABLE ugh.

So some variables that were successful:
Variable 1: I traveled for work for this week and while I stayed under/on 40G per main meal - I had a TON of salads (May I please have a spinach salad, dressing on the side, grilled chicken with no oil or sauce and side of veggies please, thanks) or ate a bunch of south beach snack bars (my staple snack food). While I had really good numbers I got pretty bored with my food options. When I got home I quizzed Adam as soon as I could about what he ate for three days. I actually prepared some stuff so he could open the fridge and see "a meal" and not just eat cereal for three days but that didn't work entirely and by Friday we were both ready for my cooking again.

I was really moved last week by a blog post by Lee Ann over at the Butter compartment. As I read about unsupportive family members - I couldn't help it as my chest filled up with pride at the amazing support team I have. I also took a nod because this diabetes thing is hard and I try my damnedest to not complain. But then what made my jaw drop and my eyes well (at work no less) was reading the list of interruptions that diabetes has on her life and realizing "oh Me too". I wasn't particularly feeling bad for myself, but I was realizing I am a really bad at communicating to the folks who love me that I'm not aloof - I am just consumed.

Some back story. I used to be detached. I used to dodge commitment like it was a big ass red "enter brand name of dodge ball here". I moved to the opposite side of the country. I changed jobs every year. I never lived anywhere longer than a year. I fell in love with boys who were conveniently unavailable... etc, etc you get the picture...I got the picture, finally heard what my oldest and dearest friends had been saying and grew up, got therapy & found a pair and moved back to be near them. I bought a house in haste, so I HAD to commit.

I floundered for my first couple of years while I figured out what I had to do to make deeper commitments, I glommed onto previously mentioned friends and their families. I spied, I envied, I envisioned. But always staying at some distance because it was safe. And then crappy things started to happen, things that really challenged me and had me reluctantly relying on friends more than I was comfortable with. 2006 was loaded with death (the core of why I was aloof to begin with) I lost an uncle. a really good friend. I had to stop working for a startup that I really believed in, and get a "real" job to bail myself out of financial ruin.

And then, I lost my Mom. That was it. fuck it was my motto. I wanted to run and never look back. But my frickin house. ugh! It was like a ball and chain that forced me to look deeper than I ever wanted to. I HAD to get a job to support the house. I had applied to ONE job, and had the most amazing phone interviews (3 hrs with my to be hubby, Adam but thats a story for a different day) and I got the job. I commuted 2 hrs each way in silence thinking about this commitment that was being forced on me by my own doing, by my own choice... where was the lesson...where is the gift...this is what I meditated on as I drove to the train, boarded the train, moved through the masses to the T, walked the .5 mile across the Salt and Pepper bridge along the charles to work every day.

Just as I was giving up (or giving in) my conversations with Adam took on a new note. We started dating and he patiently waited as I revolted against having my hand held, my hair stroked, my heart enveloped. He let me take baby steps. Discovering at my own pace that going deeper down the rabbit hole of commitment was not so scary. To see that no, nothing bad happens when you stay, no one dies, no explosions, no failure it just gets better. We had a good solid year of la la bliss - that year where I disappeared from the radar - where we just stared in eachother's eyes - drunk with love. mmmm tipsy tulip for sure. no, you're schmoopy...My friends understood, they were happy for me, proud that I had learned to commit; they waited patiently or impatiently for the day when I would emerge from my love cocoon.

But I have yet to emerge. Instead I had to cake on another layer. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in May of 08. Adam & I were married in October of the same year. So '08 was pretty busy and frighteningly NEW NEW NEW. It stumbled into most, if not all of 09, where I struggled with not being as efficient or smart as a human pancreas. I struggled with changing my name. I struggled with taking my new name and making it my own. That first year of marriage, when you're deep in the trenches of making it work, I was deep in the trenches of understanding how to make this Diabetes thing work. From the outside I imagine it looked like I was distancing my self all over again, had gone back to being aloof or that I was just deep in it with Adam and I was/am, but truthfully at times he played second to Diabetes.

It's taken me nearly two years to feel like I can look in the rear view mirror. I can recognize where things need adjustment, how to bring things to what I guess is center. For the first time in my life I am drinking from the well of commitment and loving it. But I recognize my scope is so very limited by time. As it goes, the order right now is Adam, Diabetes, work and Friends and Family. I know, having F&F 4th is lame, but I am being honest with myself so I can adjust this, I am fortunate enough to enjoy my work but what I don't love is commuting so much...I hold that responsible for work trumping F&F. This too will change.

Adam says all the time I make having diabetes look effortless. A slight of hand, but I don't have to say anything to him because he's with me 20 out of most of my 24 hrs - he sees a low wash over my face, the shake in my voice, the tears of frustration at a high, the time I spend in our kitchen, the time I don't spend making art. He bears witness to how much time this disease takes. I miss time more than bread.

As always I didn't get here alone. Thank you Monica & Adam for such a powerful conversation Sunday morning in the bright light of our kitchen and for all of my patient friends. I will continue to look for the gift.

I've always been a bit annoyed by the whole K.I.S.S thing; but as they say if the shoe fits...

Sunday I spent about 3 hours planning out the week's menu. Trying to use what we had. So I rooted around in the freezer and looked through recipes and did calculations and thought of the people I promised to feed. I went to the grocery store to get a few super perishables like chicken and veggies. But I really was psyched to spend under 50 bucks and feed Adam, myself & two of our super developers who really pulled through for us over the weekend.

So this means a week of Trader Joe's combo meals.
Buffalo burgers, turkey meatballs salad & soup.

Yesterday's Lunch was simple & yummy
4 TJ's Turkey Meatballs
8oz TJ's Low Sodium Butternut Squash Soup
85G TJ's frozen cut up Bell Peppers
Calories 290 Fat 8 Carb 31 Protein 25 Fiber 9

Dinner was just as simple read 10 minutes or less when you have help grilling
Buffalo Burger
Dijon
1 slice of Pepperidge Farm Light Style
(adam got 2 slices of sourdough grilled cheese)

.55 oz of Reduced fat feta
50G spinach
2 Tbsp Strawberry Vinaigrette

The Vinaigrette is super easy
1/2 cup of frozen strawberries thawed
2Tbsp White Wine, Red Wine or Balsamic Vinegar
1 Tbsp of olive oil
crushed black pepper

This came in at
Calories 199 Fat 14.6 Carbs 13 Protein 49.2 Fiber 3.2

The rest of the week is looking almost just as simple.
Although the life of a design consultant is never dull and I am off to an unexpected trip down to the Philly area, Lansdale really.

I'll be setting up the Tandori Chicken for Adam to make tonight so he doesn't eat cereal or bon-bons for dinner and he can take that in for the fellas tomorrow.

Thanks to Adam for taking this with his fun iphone app :D

So I combined a few things to get this:

Caramelized Onions
I rejiggering Keller's recipe from Bouchon cutting out the butter
The Crust
using Julia Child's Pâte Brisée Technique - which is actually the recipe in Cooking light omitting the baking powder & cutting it in half.
The Filling
Eating Well Diabetes' Crustless Crab Quiche loads of the richness way less of the fat

1. The Caramelized Onions

3 Yellow or Spanish Onions
1 tbsp unsalted butter
bouquet de garni:
1/4 leek green bits, 3 sprigs of thyme wrapped in cheesecloth

I cut up the onions about a quarter inch in width
heated up my new little dutch oven to the right temp
added a tbsp of unsalted butter
added the bouquet de garni

I stir them around with a wooden spoon until they all have a little bit of butter coating them and turn the heat way low and cover them with a parchment lid. If you are interested in the lid debate it's fully covered on CHOW pretty fun.
Once they begin to get translucent I leave them alone checking in on them every 15 minutes or so. making sure no real brown spots are happening if it does i just add a little bit of water to help it out using the water to stir all the brown bits back in. Make sure they don't burn that makes for bitter. this goes on until they just look right.
at this point I add about 1 TBSP of dijon. and a little bit of salt.
Stir it all in so every last onion guy has some and let it sit for a bit longer until it smells like it's been absorbed...I don't know how else to describe it. If you've eaten real carmalized onions...you know what they look like. and taste will tell you too.

while this was going on...Adam was tromping around in the back of the houses taking pics I spied on him a bit

2. The Crust!
ok so back to cooking As these guys were cooking I made the crust for the quiche. I remembered seeing a recipe in December's Cooking Light but also remember how AMAZING the full blown one I made from Julia & Thomas Keller was. How to make it low fat/carb???....until I actually read the ingredients and realized it's the same recipe just halved and the technique was totally different. yaayy

Cooking Light version with mods in gray

Ingredients

5 ounces all-purpose flour (about 1 1/4 cups)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder (omitted)
2 tablespoons minced fresh chives (omitted)
1/4 cup vegetable shortening (coooold)
4 teaspoons unsalted butter, melted (coooold)
1/4 cup boiling water (cold)

Julia Child's Technique
it's detailed so here is a link to it on Foodista, if you don't have Mastering the Art of French Cooking.
But if anything about the technique - it is most important to keep the fat cold as that is what makes it flaky ahhhh science.
I put it back in the freezer for a bit before adding the water.
I bake it for 20 minutes.
then take it out to completely cool before I add the stuff to it.

OR you can buy an already prepared one.

3. The Stuff
The Crustless Crab Quiche
I had adam run to the store to buy some of these ingredients and gave him the option to know how it was going to be low fat & he chose to be surprised! good man

Crustless Crab Quiche

From EatingWell: March/April 1996, The EatingWell Diabetes Cookbook (2005)Here is an EatingWell take on a favorite seafood brunch dish that's usually dripping with saturated fat. Our version gets its richness from cottage cheese and yogurt, with a small amount of real Parmesan and Cheddar. We find that using just a little of a great-tasting cheese goes a long way in creating a full flavor.

Ingredients

Ingredients
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1 onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
12 ounces mushrooms, wiped clean and sliced (about 4 1/2 cups) i used the onions
2 large eggs
2 large egg whites
1 1/2 cups low-fat cottage cheese
1/2 cup low-fat plain yogurt
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
8 ounces cooked lump crabmeat, (fresh or frozen and thawed), drained and picked over (about 1 cup)
1/2 cup grated sharp Cheddar cheese, (2 ounces)
1/4 cup chopped scallions

Directions

Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 10-inch pie pan or ceramic quiche dish with cooking spray.
Heat 1 teaspoon oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and bell pepper; cook, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes; transfer to a large bowl. Add the remaining 1 teaspoon oil to the skillet and heat over high heat. Add mushrooms and cook, stirring, until they have softened and most of their liquid has evaporated, 5 to 7 minutes. Add to the bowl with the onion mixture.
Place eggs, egg whites, cottage cheese, yogurt, flour, Parmesan, cayenne, salt and pepper in a food processor or blender; blend until smooth. Add to the vegetable mixture, Add to the uncooked peppers along with crab, Cheddar and scallions; mix with a rubber spatula. Pour into the prepared baking dish quiche.
Bake the quiche until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, 40 to 50 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

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All grouped together by
Calories 414 Fat 19.3 Carbs 34.5 Protein 26 Fiber 1
crazy right???

White Rice - Clearly for the Crohn's Guy
this is a big winner, it doesn't take very long. sort of like dessert for breakfast too.

1/2 cup rice
1/2 cup milk
add to sauce pan, bring to boil reduce to low to simmer & stir with a wooden spoon to combine
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tbsp honey
1 banana
15min: let it simmer til the milk is all absorbed
2/3 min: while still on the low setting add & stir for 2/3 min til egg is cooked
1 egg - slightly beaten
1 tsp vanilla

Then for me because banana's are NOT my friend :(
The same as above but I replace
13G dried organic bluberries
1/2 cup a brown rice
1/2 cup of soil milk

Nutritional Info via nutritiondata.com
Calories 254
Fat 3
Carbs 46
Protein 10
Fiber 5

Adam is at the Bruins game tonight so I got to eat fish yaay!

This was a basic Jodi guesswork

Heat the oven to 400
sliced zucchini (100G ... about half of it)
2 leeks (just the white)
1/2 of a red pepper - make sure all the white is removed
chives or onion
6 really thin slices of lemons
kosher salt
white fish

Lay out parchment paper
layer a leek, zucchini, pepper, lemon, fish,
then ontop of the fish do a reverse lemon, pepper, zuch, leek
salt as you see fit
wrap up the parchment paper en papillote

my fish was pretty thick so it cooked for about 20 minutes
check around 15 minutes so that it's flaky

I had 1/4 cup of brown rice with it too

Nutrition Calories 200
Fat 1.7g
Carbs 18G
Protein 29
Fiber 3.4

Picture to come after I make it. But tonight... we go easy on Adam :)

Both recipes are from the Sonoma Diet, as I am on my clean & mean til we go to DC. I will make a little bit of rice to go Adam gets white & I get brown. I find the Trader Joe's frozen rice indispensable.

I am planning on making a breakfast porridge with the leftovers tomorrow am YUMMM

Marinated Flank Steak

If you love steak, try this mouthwatering marinade made with rosemary, marjoram, and oregano. It's delicious and simple — you’ll never go back to your old steak sauce!

Ingredients

1 1/2-pound to 2-pound beef flank steak
1/4 cup fresh rosemary, chopped, or 1 tablespoon dried rosemary, crushed
1 tablespoon fresh marjoram, chopped, or 1 teaspoon dried marjoram, crushed
1 tablespoon fresh oregano, chopped, or 1 teaspoon dried oregano, crushed
3 cloves garlic, minced (1 1/2 teaspoons)
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Directions

Instructions:
Trim fat from meat. Score both sides of steak in a diamond pattern by making shallow cuts at 1-inch intervals; set aside. In a small bowl, mix together rosemary, marjoram, oregano, garlic, paprika, kosher salt, crushed red pepper, and black pepper. Stir in the oil until combined.
Spoon herb mixture evenly over both sides of steak; rub in with your fingers. Place steak in a shallow dish. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 1 to 24 hours.
For a charcoal grill, place meat on the rack of an uncovered grill directly over medium coals. Grill for 17 to 21 minutes or until medium doneness (160 degrees F), turning once halfway through grilling. (For a gas grill, preheat grill. Reduce heat to medium. Place meat on grill rack over heat. Cover and grill as above.)
Transfer grilled meat to a cutting board. Cover and let stand for 10 minutes. To serve, slice very thinly across the grain.

• Calories 183
• Fat 11g
• Sat Fat 3g
• Chol 34g
• Sodium 287
• Carbohydrates 1g
• Fiber 0g
• Protein 19g

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Sauteed Broccoli (Asparagus in this case), Roasted Peppers and Goat Cheese

From the Sonoma cookbook.

Ingredients

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 cups broccoli asparagus florets
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 cup bottled roasted red pepper, drained and chopped
1/4 cup chopped pitted kalamata olive
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 green onion, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon chopped fresh marjoram or 1 teaspoon dried marjoram, crushed
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
2 ounces goat cheese, crumbled

Directions

Heat oil over medium heat in a large skillet.
Add broccoli and garlic and cook until crisp-tender (5 - 8 minutes).
Stir in peppers, olives, parsley, green onion, marjoram, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Heat through.
Remove from heat and sprinkle with goat cheese. (I like to let the vegetables cook a bit before adding the cheese so it doesn't melt.).

• Nutritional Info based on the Brocolli but the spare guys not so different
• Calories 167
• Fat 12g
• Sat Fat 4g
• 11mg chol
• Sodium 299mg
• Carbs 11g
• Fiber 4g
• Protien 6g
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Every year they return. Every year, I try and capture them through the lens- film & digital. Two years ago Adam & I gifted to each other the Nikon D80 SLR - a.k.a The Big Guy

It's taken me two years to either remember the Big Guy, remember the zoom lens or for them to be present when I DO remember to bring the big guy set up. So mark the date and the calendar! I got em on my walk this am.

Part of the Tracking is exerting some energy everyday.

Mediterranean Pork Chops

Ingredients

4 boneless or bone-in pork loin chops, cut 1/2 inch thick (1 to 11/2 pounds)
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary or 1 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
3 cloves garlic, minced (1-1/2 teaspoons minced)

Directions

Step 1: Sprinkle chops with kosher salt and pepper; set aside. In a small bowl combine rosemary and garlic. Sprinkle rosemary mixture evenly over both sides of each chop; rub in with fingers.
Step 2: Place chops on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Roast chops in a 425 degree F. oven for 10 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees F. and continue roasting about 25 minutes or until an instant-read thermometer inserted through side of chop registers 160 degrees F. (make sure tip of thermometer does not touch bone). Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition facts per serving: 147 calories, 4 g fat, 71 mg cholesterol, 288 mg sodium, 1 g carbohydrate, 0 g fiber, 24 g protein.

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A salad of Warm Spinach, Lentils (TJ's black Beluga Lentils) Goat cheese with a Red Wine Vinegar dressing

Ingredients

1/4 Cup cooked quinoa
1 cup chicken stock for cooking quinoa & leeks
1 leek, white and light green parts
1 cup of Tomatoes
1/2 lemon juiced
tsp mustard
8 oz Grilled Chicken
80G /1 cup arugula or spinach
1 oz feta cheese

Directions

cook quinoa using stock 2parts liquid to 1 part quinoa (
in another pan sautee leeks til softened
add stock simmer until leeks are tender
heat to low: add tomatos, lemon, mustard, season s&p
add quinoa until heated through
Toss with Feta & Chicken while warm
combine with Arugula

• Calories 304
• Fat 6.8
• Carb23.7
• Protein 36.6
• Fiber 3.6

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I have overdone it these last couple of months - eating, guessing, shooting and correcting. I am not entirely positive I have the right settings going on my insulin pump. I don't know if a lot of the ups and downs are due to the new lifecycle of Apidra vs. Novalog...but all of these I don't knows are because I haven't been tracking ANYTHING.

Sure, I have an iPhone, the new one with all the latest bells and whistles. I've bought a ton of apps to help me as a Type1 Diabetic track my foods, my bloodsugars, my excercise, mood etc. I don't like any of them. Admittedly, I am a pretty tough customer when it comes to usefulness and engagement in my tools and applications.

This is why I am back to my notebooks, colored pens and .5mm pencil and here on this blog. That and I need to get off this freaking roller coaster I am on.

My New Year's Resolution is to be diligent again, but somewhere in the middle from my over doing it when I was first diagnosed... hmm can someone say balanced???

lets give it a go.

So here I will be posting food & recipes that agree with me, my diabetes, adam & his crohn's.